Building an Adult Relationship with Parents
Second Series:
Building an Adult Relationship with Parents
Parent Assistance and Communication
College is serious phase in life. Our position as both student and early adult demand a lot of conscience and decision making in our day to day activity. More often than sometimes we struggle and in some extreme case at campus, we encounter academic difficulties and problem. In time of probation for examples, we rely on others assistance for support and advices. mentor who can guide and enhance your education experience. What constitutes our circle of support are our immediate friends and family. In fact this form of assistance is very crucial and could determine if we would be successful or not. We must learn to behave on our own behalf and credentials, and it takes time for us to realize we're developing our professional integrity during our college time.
the purpose of college education primarily is to prepare our readiness to be able to start professional life as soon as we graduate. In order to accomplish that goal, we require to progress the relationship with our parents. We will have to take responsibility for our maturity. The main element of maturity is the ability to exercise our freedom, the question then would be about how should we responsibly exercise our freedom? Our parents has been making decision for our behalf about what to do and what not to do in our early teenage life. Even sometimes, how to do it. But, of course at some point we would love to be able to responsible to about our own life. Therefore, as parent it is imperative to engage in discussion and advance the discussion as we mature.
leaving home means there would be less supervision and influence from parents. In their shoes, they having a hard time letting go of their long-established influence, despite the fact they have been injecting their values all along. in one side, it is due of fear they have not establish adequate values, that there might be a few very important thing they have not told you, and they also might be having a hard time remembering their experience leaving home, and especially because they love you so much, that they want you to have much better life and desperately want you to succeed in life so bad. Also, it is a question of trust, they fear you might be violating their trust, that you will engage in reckless irresponsible behavior that will hamper your credentials, or even ruin your life.
Parents will need to realize that at some point, their kid will grow into adults. Adults will make decision, we may adopt our parent's value or we may not. We may have similar moral values or we may not. It will be hard for them to accept this difference if there is so little communication especially during the time we grow and make important decision. Parents will need to initiate talk about how they should communicate with you about both good and bad news before we leave college. From final and midterm tests, quizzes, our activities, life highlights, stories, accomplishments, life style, failures, and shame - how liberal your parents in listening to your story would matter and affect your openness and transparency. The connection between you and your parents not only may critically affect your decision but also your happiness. Regular communication also ensure that parent will be able to accept and respect your growing independence by establishing and maintaining open lines of communication.
Part 1: Parent's Love
As reductionist, I may argue that essentially parent-children relationship is basically biased human relationship.
the rapport, or first impression that our parents have about their children is the moment where we born helplessly and desperately need help in order to survive. in their perspective, the children is always the baby who need their support. as long as we dont advance the relationship into adult-to-adult relationship it is virtually impossible to balance or even shed the image of helpless baby away from our parent's mind.
the other fact also that our parents love us so much. they not only wish us to be successful, they desperately need us to be successful so that they can live their life happily. they can not even settle if we encounter difficulty, simply put their happiness in linked to our well-being. the decision to have a children is a big and life changing decision, it demands a lot of courage to face a very high risk of losing us one day. they have been investing practically their entire life, time, and money into us. buying us clothes, schools, books, foods, holidays, games and everything else. They may work really really hard just so that we can buy those stuffs, not hungry and live safely. They may hate every moment of their work life but seeing us by the end of day is the only compensation that worth all the work load. The sacrifice and affection then translate into dependency. This is why parent bothers. They simply love us.
Parent's have their bias nonetheless, their definition of happiness, well-being, and success may be different to you. We may also disagree about what it means to have a good life, we may disagree about the other big theme's in life such as: importance of religions, high paying jobs vs pursuing passion, your relationship patterns, choice of girl friends (or boy friends since I am a boy). So it is always important to have discussion to ensure the are exchange of understanding regarding important issues. Not everyone feels comfortable to engineer the conversation, sometimes it's best to let the conversation come up casually.
On one extreme, there are some student who rarely talk to their parents, they never tell their parents about the courses they're taking every semester, nor they inform their parents how well do they do at those courses. they would not ask for advice and rarely got it. They generally live in a separate world.
On the other extreme, there are some student who routinely makes their life choices, from courses to summer internships, in conjunction with their parents. They think of nothing about texting, chatting, tweeting their parents. Some can not make a move without consulting them.
Going to college is an important aspect of human development.
During the first year, both children and parents undertake the process of separation.
Student experiencing the newfound freedoms. From the highly scheduled high school environment to making life decision about what courses to take, how to schedule our time, what kind of social life we would like to have. These freedoms require separation from parents.
Parents also undergo similar and equally challenging process. for 18 years parents have been actively involving into children life. they know exactly how we spend time, and friends we hanging out with. Parent's are physically present to celebrate their children success and support in time of distress. the moment we leave home, parent need to find balance between supporting their children while giving them room to develop the skills necessary to become strong, independent adults.
Building an Adult Relationship with Parents
Parent Assistance and Communication
College is serious phase in life. Our position as both student and early adult demand a lot of conscience and decision making in our day to day activity. More often than sometimes we struggle and in some extreme case at campus, we encounter academic difficulties and problem. In time of probation for examples, we rely on others assistance for support and advices. mentor who can guide and enhance your education experience. What constitutes our circle of support are our immediate friends and family. In fact this form of assistance is very crucial and could determine if we would be successful or not. We must learn to behave on our own behalf and credentials, and it takes time for us to realize we're developing our professional integrity during our college time.
the purpose of college education primarily is to prepare our readiness to be able to start professional life as soon as we graduate. In order to accomplish that goal, we require to progress the relationship with our parents. We will have to take responsibility for our maturity. The main element of maturity is the ability to exercise our freedom, the question then would be about how should we responsibly exercise our freedom? Our parents has been making decision for our behalf about what to do and what not to do in our early teenage life. Even sometimes, how to do it. But, of course at some point we would love to be able to responsible to about our own life. Therefore, as parent it is imperative to engage in discussion and advance the discussion as we mature.
leaving home means there would be less supervision and influence from parents. In their shoes, they having a hard time letting go of their long-established influence, despite the fact they have been injecting their values all along. in one side, it is due of fear they have not establish adequate values, that there might be a few very important thing they have not told you, and they also might be having a hard time remembering their experience leaving home, and especially because they love you so much, that they want you to have much better life and desperately want you to succeed in life so bad. Also, it is a question of trust, they fear you might be violating their trust, that you will engage in reckless irresponsible behavior that will hamper your credentials, or even ruin your life.
Parents will need to realize that at some point, their kid will grow into adults. Adults will make decision, we may adopt our parent's value or we may not. We may have similar moral values or we may not. It will be hard for them to accept this difference if there is so little communication especially during the time we grow and make important decision. Parents will need to initiate talk about how they should communicate with you about both good and bad news before we leave college. From final and midterm tests, quizzes, our activities, life highlights, stories, accomplishments, life style, failures, and shame - how liberal your parents in listening to your story would matter and affect your openness and transparency. The connection between you and your parents not only may critically affect your decision but also your happiness. Regular communication also ensure that parent will be able to accept and respect your growing independence by establishing and maintaining open lines of communication.
Part 1: Parent's Love
As reductionist, I may argue that essentially parent-children relationship is basically biased human relationship.
the rapport, or first impression that our parents have about their children is the moment where we born helplessly and desperately need help in order to survive. in their perspective, the children is always the baby who need their support. as long as we dont advance the relationship into adult-to-adult relationship it is virtually impossible to balance or even shed the image of helpless baby away from our parent's mind.
the other fact also that our parents love us so much. they not only wish us to be successful, they desperately need us to be successful so that they can live their life happily. they can not even settle if we encounter difficulty, simply put their happiness in linked to our well-being. the decision to have a children is a big and life changing decision, it demands a lot of courage to face a very high risk of losing us one day. they have been investing practically their entire life, time, and money into us. buying us clothes, schools, books, foods, holidays, games and everything else. They may work really really hard just so that we can buy those stuffs, not hungry and live safely. They may hate every moment of their work life but seeing us by the end of day is the only compensation that worth all the work load. The sacrifice and affection then translate into dependency. This is why parent bothers. They simply love us.
Parent's have their bias nonetheless, their definition of happiness, well-being, and success may be different to you. We may also disagree about what it means to have a good life, we may disagree about the other big theme's in life such as: importance of religions, high paying jobs vs pursuing passion, your relationship patterns, choice of girl friends (or boy friends since I am a boy). So it is always important to have discussion to ensure the are exchange of understanding regarding important issues. Not everyone feels comfortable to engineer the conversation, sometimes it's best to let the conversation come up casually.
On one extreme, there are some student who rarely talk to their parents, they never tell their parents about the courses they're taking every semester, nor they inform their parents how well do they do at those courses. they would not ask for advice and rarely got it. They generally live in a separate world.
On the other extreme, there are some student who routinely makes their life choices, from courses to summer internships, in conjunction with their parents. They think of nothing about texting, chatting, tweeting their parents. Some can not make a move without consulting them.
Going to college is an important aspect of human development.
During the first year, both children and parents undertake the process of separation.
Student experiencing the newfound freedoms. From the highly scheduled high school environment to making life decision about what courses to take, how to schedule our time, what kind of social life we would like to have. These freedoms require separation from parents.
Parents also undergo similar and equally challenging process. for 18 years parents have been actively involving into children life. they know exactly how we spend time, and friends we hanging out with. Parent's are physically present to celebrate their children success and support in time of distress. the moment we leave home, parent need to find balance between supporting their children while giving them room to develop the skills necessary to become strong, independent adults.
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